Teaching Our Children About Sex

It is very important that we educate and be open about sex with our children. They need to hear it from us before they hear it from others in the outside world. Today, children are hearing about sex younger and younger. We need to start talking to them as soon as they're born.

One important thing about talking to your kids about sex is making eye contact with them. Sex is not a shameful thing. It is beautiful and sacred, and we should never make our children feel as if it is wrong or bad.

I think it is a good thing to educate them on all their body parts from the time they are infants. They need to know the correct terms first, before they hear all the nicknames from their peers. A good time to sit down with your child, if they have not come to you before, is around age 8. Make and order out their favorite dinner and let them know you are going to talk to them about something special that Heavenly Father gives us. Teach them over their life span--age 8, 12, 16, before marriage. Assume them that this is something so special that you need to SAVE it. Sex should never be a chore or duty, but a loving part of a larger relationship of giving to our spouse, cherishing, respecting, protecting each other.

The church has come out with a wonderful guide called "A Parent's Guide" found on LDS.org. Check it out!

More on Sexual Relations. Connecting with Your Spouse within Physical Intimacy

Ignorance is the first enemy of sexual fulfillment in marriage. In an unpublished manuscript on sexual fulfillment in marriage, it is okay to read about and talk about sex with your partner.

How can we fix communication skills dealing with sex with our spouse? What good books are out there to read together and eventually teach our children someday?

My husband and I have enjoyed the book titled "And They Were Not Ashamed" by Laura M. Brotherson. It has some wonderful insights and I would highly recommend it to anyone searching for help and answers. We must be comfortable talking about sex and learning how to express our feelings/thoughts in specific ways to our spouse. God is not vague in communication about sexual intimacy as part of the marriage relationship. Sex should be a celebration. It comes from God. He create dour sexual appetites and natures. He is pleased when He knows we are bonding together sexually in love, for that is His plan of creation.

For those who are single or engaged: Read these books separately and then discuss more after your wedding day. Become educated. Don't have the expectation that the first time will be perfect. It's like trying a sport for the first time. Be considerate of each other.

Life will always be busy, but there's not a right frequency. You need to make sure you are nourishing such a vital part of your marriage. Make it a priority.

Sexual Relations

Couples need to talk together about the physical dimensions of their relationship. They assume their intimate relationship will just "naturally" work out, but this is not the case.

Why does something so beautiful become the source of so many marital problems? Why are we so nervous to talk about sex to our spouses?

Sexuality is such a beautiful power given to mankind from God. It is truly God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. When we see sexuality as vital part of marital harmony and happiness it becomes much more than something we give and receive to our spouse.

We are commanded by our Heavenly Father to multiply and replenish the earth. Sex is the only gateway to receive such joyous blessings as children. It is a good thing that we need to CHERISH and SAVE until we are married.

I feel like sex is the strongest bond you can have with your spouse to truly show, give, and take your love. The body is a wonderful thing. Every part is part of sex. The sensations we feel connect perfectly with our physical intimacy. God intends for sex to be between man and woman in the bonds of marriage. It is a precious PRECIOUS thing that is intended to be cherished and practiced on a regular basis with your spouse, and only with your spouse.

Satan does everything he can to create this magnet between the couple before marriage involving desire for sexual relations, and then everything he can to create a wedge after marriage.

The First Year and The Marriage Contract

During the courting period in a relationship, it is important to consider and discuss these questions with your partner.

Will the wife use the husband’s last name, her own name, or a hyphenated name?

What will be the division of labor in the home? Who will do the cooking, cleaning, washing, repairs and so on?

Will you have children? If so, how many and when?

If you have children, how will you divide up the child care responsibilities?

What kind of discipline will you use?

What will you do about housing?

Who will be the primary breadwinner?

How will financial decisions be made and who will be responsible for paying bills?

What will be your relationship with extended family? How often will you visit them?

How will you observe holidays, particularly Christmas and Thanksgiving?

How will you address frustrations or concerns with your spouse?

Whose opinion will prevail if there is a difference in opinion?

How will you change the terms of this contract over the course of your marriage?

It is vital to get these main building blocks in first before you actually start your marriage. The first year of marriage will be hard by getting to know each other and learning how to live with each other. You may not think it's hard when you're in it, but looking back on my own marriage it has gotten so much better over the second year. We better understand how each other works. Granted, we still have a long way to go, but that first year of marriage has a lot of bumps in it that you need to be prepared for in order to have a successful marriage.

Cohabitation

It makes sense why so many couples in today's world want to cohabit. They say "Let's not ruin what we have by getting married." People think marriage weighs you down and ruins their lives when really it has more positive effects than we know.

The growth of unmarried cohabitation doesn't appear to be in children's or society's best interest. Evidence has suggested it actually weakens marriage, damaging our social well-being. I think that for those who cohabit, they don't want to get married because they have lost the spark or curiosity of what it's like to start a life together. It's boring all of the sudden and they might be too lazy to rekindle the fire that was once there.

Here are some myths on marriage stinks and cohabitation:
1) Single life is better
--There is no commitment to children or having to always be there for the significant other.
2) Marriage takes a toll on your life/health
--False. When in school, my husband and I have so much less stress because we're married and can rely on each other for help.
3) Marriage sex gets old and boring
--It does not have to be boring. You need to constantly be rekindling the fire in your relationship and making an effort to keep that spark in your marriage.

For my own marriage, I know it is vital to rekindle that fire very often. We need to remember why we feel in love and how it felt for all those "first-timers."

Decreasing Marital Satisfaction After Child Birth

Why or how does the birth and care of a child frequently lead to decreased marital satisfaction?

You would think that bringing a new child into the world would actually increase marital satisfaction between a husband and wife. However, this is not the case like most would think and like to believe. Having children brings such stress on a marriage, whether we plan for it to or not. Marital satisfaction actually decreases during this time due to the intensity of the stress. It is such a huge factor that plays a part in the marriage and really does influence the couples actions and even intimacy. The mother will be extremely tired and losing more sleep than the husband at times. However, the husband as well will be experiencing a lot of stress trying to provide for his small family. With the husband being gone more with work, the wife may even start to resent his absence along with her constant mood swings and possible postpartum. The father might feel uncomfortable at times if he is not familiar with newborns and how fragile they are. The wife may then think the husband doesn’t care about their child, which could very well be a total misconception. The couple needs to have good communication skills and talk to each other on a daily basis about the issues they are experiencing and work together to solve them. By working together during this stressful time, the couple is more likely to have a stronger marriage in the long run.

Dating

This week we focused on the concept of dating. I think dating is so very important, whether you are single or married. There are 3 P's to the dating process: Planned, Paid, Paired Off. Each of these three P's relate to marriage: Preside, Provide, Protect. There are also 3 T's: Togetherness, Talk, Time. All in all, these principles outline a good key for healthy relationships.

Have you ever heard the term "you date who you marry"? It really is SO true! You need to start good dating habits with who you date now so that your future marriage will be less bumpy. Marriage will always be bumpy, no matter how much you love each other. But by gaining good strong habits when dating, you can better you chances of not getting divorced later.

Don't feel like you have to rush into a relationship right away. If you both have mutual attraction feelings, date casually. Then move on to dating seriously, getting engaged, marriage, and continue to date once married. You should never ever ever stop dating once you're married. It is vital for your marriage, for it is a precious thing that we must never lose hold of.